Who's Fault for Marital Breakdown?

One reader, in a question to me, wanted to know who sues whom on breakdown of a relationship.  Who is  wrong?  One of them, of course.  The reader has mistakenly assumed that one person must be in the wrong. 

The law does not force you to get into a relationship. The law also does not force you to remain in a relationship.  You are free to become married or enter into a common-law relationship if you wish.  You are just as free to end that relationship.

It follows that, if both parties have a right to end a relationship, one party cannot be legally "in the wrong" for doing so. As far as morally wrong...well, that depends on the morals of those involved.

It may surprise you to learn that adultery is not a crime.  It is grounds for divorce, but it is not against the law.  That means that, if you can prove adultery, you can obtain a divorce.  However, it is far easier to obtain a divorce by living separate and apart for a year.  You can start the divorce proceeding as soon as you are separated, but the divorce itself will not be granted for at least a year after the separation date.

Therefore, as far as the law is concerned, just because your spouse cheated on you does not mean that they are at fault.  When it comes to dealing with division of property and spousal or child support, "who is at fault" will not be considered by the court.

When you think about it rationally (not while you are hopping mad after learning of your spouse's affair), it makes sense. The courts are not here to punish a spouse for cheating.  That is left to a higher authority.  The courts are concerned with the legal implications of the end of the marriage.

The best advice you can take in a family law proceeding is this: the law generally does not care who caused the marital breakdown. The court does not care who is at fault.  All the court is concerned with is making sure that division of property, spousal support and child support have been adequately addressed.  The courts will not deny one spouse their share of the matrimonial property because they had the affair. 

Nor will the court make the other side pay your legal bills because they ended the relationship.  When you enter a relationship, you assume the risk that the relationship may not last.  If it doesn't last, it will cost you to get out. 

Unfortunately, the legal process to end a relationship can often cost more than the wedding that started it!  The more time you spend blaming the other side, the more expensive it will be.