Negotiation for Cynics

There are many courses available on how to prepare and conduct a negotiation for a client.  There are a number of theories on negotiation strategy.  Here's a new one:

Negotiation 911: What to do when you have no case.

Most negotiation courses teach you about how to get the best result for both sides by trying to develop a solution that meets the needs and interests of the parties as best as possible.  These negotiations require that the negotiating parties build a relationship of trust between each other, co-operate with each other and be creative to find a solution.

HOGWASH, we say.

Negotiation 911 will teach you how to:

• create demands out of thin air;
• invent "legal" concepts that bolster your position;
• ambush your opponent with new issues every day;
• keep raising the stakes instead of coming closer to resolution;
• use external pressures to force the opponent to give in;
• use the media as a tool to sway public opinion; and
• win at all costs, even if you have no case.

Our strategies have been used effectively by major players all over the country.  One union, for example, negotiated a great deal by insisting that its members "owned" the work that they did.  With this issue dominating the press and the negotiations, it was near impossible for the players to get down to the real issues. 

In another example, a government regularly proposes laws with ridiculous provisions, waiting for the reaction.  After duking it out for a long time, the government cuts some of the provisions, allowing the other party to claim victory.  Yet the government was able to put through the provisions it wanted by conceding to drop the controversial provisions.

Does your client want a 10% raise?  Well, we will teach you how to ask for a 30% raise or more, and finally settle for 10%, with the other side thinking that they have won.

Best of all, these tactics will make you rich.  What is the benefit of settling a wage dispute in a one-day negotiation, if you can spend four weeks in a swanky hotel, billing 16 hours a day plus expenses?  On top of that, you get great media coverage, and interviews are billable time!

Of course, there is no course that I know that advertises like this.  But there must be some courses like this out there, otherwise, why are so many negotiations conducted in this way?

There is no benefit to the parties, as they end up hating each other.  In my opinion, it is not great for the lawyers' reputations, although it is good for their pocketbooks.  It sure doesn't help the public's perception of the justice system.

Am I being too cynical?